Gratitude

The greatest surprise of all

Finding the Love of My Life

I found the true love of my life, someone I adore and simply love being with no matter what we are doing. Time with Kym feels magical, whether we are traveling, sharing an adventure, watching mindless sports on television, quietly sitting next to each other or simply talking.

When she comes home from playing tennis, I love catching up with her and hearing about her day, her family and her friends. She is such a kind and wonderful person.

I got unbelievably lucky finding her out of the blue, purely by random chance, through a match that probably never should have happened. And yet somehow it did.

I keep coming back to the same question: how did I get so lucky?

Joy with a wagging tail

Buddy Boy

Buddy Boy is an incredible dog. Almost every time I pet him, I think about how lucky I am that he is part of my life.

He is full of love, fun and happiness. His tail is always wagging. He is easy to care for, playful, cuddly and endlessly enthusiastic.

He has serious congenital medical problems and may not live to a very old age, although he is already almost ten. That possibility makes me appreciate every day with him even more.

He had a very social earlier life around other dogs and cats, but he has adapted beautifully to the quieter life he now shares with me and Kym. He seems completely content.

Just looking at him can make his tail start wagging. Pick up a toy and it wags even faster. His favorite snacks are ice cubes. He eats almost nothing besides his prescription dog food and ice cubes, yet he seems to believe he has the best life in the world.

Sometimes he looks as if he is smiling. In his own way, he seems deeply grateful too.

Where gratitude began

Growing Up in a Loving Family

I think my gratitude goes back to my earliest days. I grew up in a loving family as the middle child and the only boy among six children born within about ten years.

To me, being part of such a large family was fun. We went to the beach all the time, camped often and seemed to enjoy being together.

I also got into a great deal of trouble as a child. I was grounded, punished, spanked and denied privileges many times. My parents often reminded me that many things were privileges, not rights, and that privileges could be taken away.

What mattered most was that I always knew they loved me. I believed they were trying to teach me how to take responsibility, grow up, learn from mistakes and treat other people well.

They taught me the importance of honesty, keeping my word and doing the right thing. Those lessons stayed with me.

Learning to adapt

Moving, Leaving and Starting Over

I have lived in roughly twenty different homes that I can remember. Moving that often meant repeatedly making new friends and saying goodbye to old ones.

That taught me that change is part of life. It taught me how to adjust to unfamiliar places, meet new people and avoid becoming too afraid of disruption.

Some people remain in the same hometown and keep the same friends throughout life, and that can be wonderful. But I am grateful that my life exposed me to so many different places and people.

A lifetime of remarkable homes

The Places I’ve Lived

Another enormous source of gratitude is the number of incredible places I have been lucky enough to call home.

Fort Lauderdale

I grew up for six years in the same house in Fort Lauderdale, where we could be outside all year. We had bicycles and could travel all over the neighborhood, visiting friends, fishing, building forts and riding from one house to another.

I was incredibly lucky to grow up in that era, surrounded by so many school friends and so much freedom.

I also attended Catholic school through ninth grade. I no longer have a religious connection and would describe myself today as pagan or agnostic, but I remain grateful for the discipline and education I received there.

The nuns made sure we understood that school was for learning. I was disciplined many times, including visits to the Mother Superior’s office, and my parents always supported the school.

Looking back, I am grateful for the structure, standards and expectations that helped shape me.

Lancaster, Massachusetts

Moving from Florida to Massachusetts was a shock at first, but Lancaster turned out to be an excellent place to grow up.

We lived in a large Victorian house with a backyard, garden and barn. There was always work to do: shoveling snow, raking leaves, cutting grass, cleaning the garage, maintaining shutters and taking care of the property.

As the only boy, I was often assigned much of the physical work. At the time it sometimes felt endless, but it taught me that hard work was normal.

I also learned to repair my own vehicles because I could not afford a mechanic. I made friends with people who knew how to fix cars, and we learned together.

That instinct never left me. Even now, when something breaks—whether mechanical, electrical or electronic—I want to understand it and try to repair it before throwing it away and replacing it.

Bare Hill Pond

The next extraordinary place was a home on Bare Hill Pond, where Marty and I lived for about three years.

Living on a pond year-round was incredible. We heated with a wood stove, so staying warm meant cutting wood, keeping the fire going and making sure the house did not freeze.

We had no air conditioning, which was rarely necessary. Living there made me comfortable with a wide range of temperatures—hot summers, cold winters and the constant work of keeping a house functioning through every season.

Living near college

When it was time to move closer to college, the timing turned out perfectly. My parents needed the pond house for the summer, so Marty and I moved near campus.

We ended up sharing a house with about six people. It was a wonderful group, the rent was inexpensive, and I could work full time while attending school full time.

In my final semester, I earned basically all 4.0 grades both semesters. That success made graduate school seem possible and gave me a strong finish to my undergraduate years.

We had a great deal of fun with that group, including trips to Maine and many shared adventures. But sooner or later a married couple probably should get a place of their own, so eventually we did.

My only apartment

After several years, Marty and I moved into the second and third floors of another Victorian house.

It was the first and almost only time I lived in an apartment where I did not have to mow grass, repair the building or take responsibility for all the maintenance.

Nearly every other place I have lived has required me to maintain a house and property, which taught me skills I have used throughout my life. We were only in that apartment for a year before we got incredibly lucky while glancing through the 'for rent" section of the local newspaper.

Billy Ward Pond

Then we saw an advertisement for an A-frame cabin on a lake and moved to Billy Ward Pond in the small town if Ashburnham. I lived there for nineteen years. The first 12 with Marty.

The cabin was tiny, perhaps only a few hundred square feet, so I spent as much time outside as inside.

There was abundant land and very little development. I could walk outside without seeing anyone, swim or skinny-dip in the pond and feel almost completely removed from the rest of the world.

A few other people used nearby camps during the summer, but after Labor Day most left. For roughly nine months each year, life there felt almost like Thoreau living at Walden Pond.

It was an ideal lifestyle and one of the greatest gifts of my life.

Ashburnham and environmental stewardship

While living there in Ashburnham, I became deeply involved in environmental work.

I served on the Conservation Commission, helped form a land trust, worked on an open-space plan and pursued state funding to protect land.

Meetings often continued until midnight or two in the morning as we wrote decisions, reviewed development proposals and completed major projects.

That work taught me persistence and, more importantly, what it means to be an environmental steward.

Arlington with Bernie and the boys

Around 2006 or 2007, I moved to Arlington with Bernie and her sons, Sean and Noel.

For the first time, I had children in my daily life rather than only nieces and nephews.

They began as city kids who were not especially interested in outdoor activities, but over time they grew to love hiking, mountain trips, cabins, kayaking and canoeing.

Sharing that transformation was one of the most rewarding experiences of my life.

Pennsylvania and Montoursville

A work transfer eventually required me to move to Pennsylvania. It was one of the hardest decisions I ever made.

I was in my mid-fifties, had about ten years remaining before a full government retirement and knew it might be difficult to find another comparable job.

For about six months, I drove five or six hours each way every other weekend to continue seeing Bernie. Eventually we both realized the distance was not sustainable.

Not long afterward, I met Cindy through a blind date.

We lived in Montoursville in a large country house with a huge barn, plenty of maintenance and a yard that always needed work.

That suited me perfectly. I was never interested in sitting inside watching television. I preferred working outside before dinner and again until dark.

We shared the property with cats, dogs and other animals, and often sat beside the small pond surrounded by them. It was a beautiful life.

Florida with Cindy

Cindy and I later moved to Florida and found an extraordinary home on the water with roughly 7,000 acres of conservation land behind us.

I could hardly have imagined finding a place that beautiful.

Allen’s Creek with Carol

Several years later, I moved with Carol to a beautiful home on Allen’s Creek.

We combined our incomes and were able to live in a place that felt like a dream.

I loved the water, the property and the lifestyle, but maintaining everything required an enormous amount of labor—sometimes what felt like fifty hours a week.

By then I was in my sixties and beginning to understand that I no longer wanted so much of my life consumed by upkeep.

Downsizing and condo life

I eventually bought a small manufactured home in a fifty-five-plus community where most exterior maintenance was handled.

That gave me freedom to travel, paddle and use my time however I wanted.

Then, by chance again, I met Kym and began living with her.

Condo life showed me how different life can be when weekends and evenings are no longer dominated by constant maintenance.

Many people avoid condos because they do not want to be close to neighbors, but I know others who remain tied to houses and can never find time to paddle, hike or travel.

I am grateful that I experienced both worlds. I had decades of houses, land, lakes, barns, gardens and maintenance—and now, later in life, I have the freedom of a much simpler home.

Seeing the world differently

Travel, Perspective and What Really Matters

Travel became one of the greatest sources of gratitude in my life. I spent more than eight years attending college part time while working full time. Once I finally earned my degree, I wanted to see the world before settling into a conventional middle-class life.

I traveled through countries including Guatemala, Nicaragua, Ecuador and Peru—places often called developing nations at the time.

Many people there had very little money, but I saw enormous amounts of love, family connection, generosity and mutual support.

Families were central to life. People worked hard for what they had and often seemed to take care of one another in ways that wealthier societies sometimes forget.

Those experiences showed me how fortunate we are in the United States to have access to education, work and resources. They also taught me that money itself does not create happiness.

Freedom, relationships, meaningful experiences and doing things you love matter far more.

Enough is often plenty

Grateful for a Simple Life

I have never been very interested in fashion, status or impressing people with possessions. I do not understand spending a life comparing clothing, cars, houses or appearances.

I drive a twenty-year-old vehicle that takes me wherever I need to go, and I do not particularly want a new one.

I occasionally buy a two-dollar Powerball ticket when the jackpot is large, but the thought of winning an enormous amount of money actually makes me nervous. That kind of money could completely change a life I already love.

I am deeply grateful that most of the things I enjoy cost very little. Hiking a trail, climbing a mountain, paddling, exploring, swimming, camping and spending time outdoors do not require a luxurious lifestyle.

I gave up downhill skiing partly because lift tickets became too expensive. I would rather hike a trail or climb a mountain for almost nothing.

Living more simply has given me something far more valuable than status: time and freedom.

Still able to do the things I love

Health, Pain and Resilience

I am extraordinarily grateful for my health, even though I have experienced many serious medical problems.

I have dealt with numerous skin cancers and many surgeries. I survived a devastating automobile accident that nearly killed me, required months in a hospital and nursing home, kept me out of work and left me with pain that continues almost every day.

Yet I am alive. I can still walk, paddle, hike, travel and do nearly everything I want to do.

The pain is real, but so is the ability to keep moving. I am grateful for that every day.

Still here somehow

My Nine Lives

I often joke that I have nine lives and have already used seven of them. When I try to document the close calls, however, the number is probably much higher.

There have been many times when I could have died: lightning high in the mountains, becoming lost, grizzly bears nearby, boats overturning in icy water, falling through ice and other accidents that could easily have ended differently.

I have fallen through ice twice. I have nearly drowned. I have survived situations that, looking back, seem almost unbelievable.

Sometimes it feels as if someone or something has been looking out for me.

Whatever the reason, I am grateful to still be here.

The people who shaped my life

Friends, Family and Relationships

I have had remarkable friends throughout my life. I have also been fortunate to share several long-term relationships that, for the most part, were loving, meaningful and full of good memories.

My siblings and I are not all especially close now. We have moved in different directions and live in different parts of the country. Many chose more conventional upper-middle-class lives, while I became more of a traveler who preferred to live simply.

I still love them all dearly and always hope for the best for each of them.

Marty

I shared nineteen years of marriage with Marty. That is a huge part of a life, and I remain grateful for the years we had together.

Angelica

Angelica and I were together only about six months, but she was a wonderful woman. She wanted children and I did not, so we both knew our futures were different. Even a short relationship can be meaningful, and I am grateful for that time.

Bernie and the boys

I spent five years with Bernie and her boys. They went from being mostly city people to loving camping, mountains, biking, kayaking and travel.

Watching that transformation and sharing those experiences was an amazing chapter of my life. I would have been lucky to experience even one relationship like that.

Cindy and her family

Life became even richer with Cindy and her four wonderful children. They already had a country life centered around animals, 4-H fairs and family traditions.

Together we added kayaking, travel and many other adventures.

I am especially grateful that Cindy and the children now live near one another and remain close. They spend holidays, weekends and family gatherings together, and I still get to see photographs of their lives.

Carol

Carol and I were very different. She was shy and introverted, while I was almost the opposite. Over time, those differences made it difficult to find activities we both loved.

Even so, most of our time together was wonderful. We lived on Allens Creek, had a boat and camper, traveled to California and Belize, went diving and shared many memorable experiences.

Staying connected

One of the things I am most grateful for is that I have remained on good terms with nearly everyone who has been important in my life.

Through Facebook, messages and occasional conversations, I can still see what is happening in their lives and wish them well.

I do not carry hatred toward the women I once loved. Each relationship gave me something valuable.

Choosing change when change was necessary

Gratitude for Hard Decisions

I am also grateful that I have usually been willing to make difficult decisions when the time came.

I have ended relationships that were moving in the wrong direction. I have taken job transfers that disrupted my life. I have moved across the country, started over and accepted uncertainty.

Those decisions were rarely easy. But many of them opened the door to the life I have now.

I have been lucky, but I have also tried to recognize when a chapter was ending and when it was time to move toward something new.

Risk, work, optimism and good people

The Decisions, Jobs and Friends That Shaped My Life

Another major reason for my gratitude is that so many risky decisions turned out well.

I took long road trips, resigned from jobs without another one waiting and sometimes returned home with no money—or even with bills I still had to pay.

Somehow I always found work again, often with enough overtime to pay everything off, save some money and eventually head out on another adventure.

I learned early that even a short-term job can become valuable if I do excellent work, leave professionally and earn a strong reference.

Good written references opened doors to the next opportunity. Because of that, I was rarely afraid to leave one job and try something new.

I was fortunate to have many excellent supervisors and many different kinds of work. Each job taught me something new.

Some people are happiest doing one thing for an entire career and becoming exceptionally good at it. I respect that, but it was never right for me.

I always wanted to keep learning.

That curiosity, along with a willingness to take chances, gave me a life full of variety.

Optimism

There were dark periods when I wondered whether I was making the right decision, what would come next and how I would manage.

Even then, I usually remained optimistic.

When I wake up in the morning and when I go to bed at night, I often think that I am living in the best place and best chapter of my entire life.

The truth is that nearly every chapter has been pretty extraordinary.

The people I choose to keep close

I have also been lucky in my friendships.

Over time, I learned to distance myself from people who are consistently negative, pessimistic or toxic.

The people I have chosen to keep close are remarkable—people such as Robbie, David, Elise and many others I have known through the years.

Even now, I have many paddling friends I may not see constantly, especially during summers when I often prefer paddling alone with Buddy Boy.

But I know that if I announce a paddle, I can quickly bring together ten wonderful people, and it will feel like long-lost friends reuniting.

That is another form of wealth that has nothing to do with money.

I am grateful for the people, the opportunities, the risks, the optimism and the attitude that helped me recognize how fortunate I have been.